Saturday, February 7, 2009

eating dirt again.

seemingly starved for awakening embarrassment,
words punching out of my mouth at such a rapid pace,
scattered, tracing the lines I drew in my dreams last night,
closing my eyes, a blanket buzzing vision like an old television screen,
I painted your portrait again, somehow each time it turns out completely different,
a shudder, if I could stack apologies on your body, I would.
staying silent. outside the crows wake in the new day, their caws calls
backwards behavior, you'd think I'd have learned to be nice by now.

cause child, sand play seems so far away,
and beyond my star gaze capabilities,
a babbling hum, knowing sleep will solve all the worlds problems.
guilt stabbing stomach pain, that my doctor looks so good,
and these pills, they taste so good,
sleeping will solve all the worlds problems,
sleeping through the underbelly,
sleeping through currents of blood and shelter,
a doze, a doze for the sake of loving.

there are millions of lines in my hands,
I can't stand to look at them,
they are disgusting.

sleeping so that I can see the lines disappear.
sleeping so that I can forget everything done by man and machine.

there are tiny veins in my eyes,
I can't stand the feeling of them rolling around,
pumping muddy dirty blood,
pumping what kills innocence.

sleeping for my grandmother to come home again,
sleeping for her worlds to speak to my soul.

there are times I can't see her when I close my eyes,
there are times I get so frightened she is lost,
not tangible.
something sacred to save my soul,
something sacred to wake me up.
while I'm sleeping through her pain.

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